I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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