So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
