Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so let's talk penis.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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