my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
