i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
