where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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