I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
