Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
