hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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