so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
