honey bunches of taint.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
