The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
