We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
