I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
