You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
