I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize