can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
