sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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