I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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