My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
