I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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