ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Randomize
