fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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