I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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