I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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