Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
