I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
