I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
