On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
