actually, I'm a sock model
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
