dude i'm inner monologue high
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize