Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
