He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
