dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That accounts for only three of the penises
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
