who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
