the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
