ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
