She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
