I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
