$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
