considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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