I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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