In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
