last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
