3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Randomize
