I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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