I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
