i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
