We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
