hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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