Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
