she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
