do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sorry my hands just texted you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
