Duck Duck Cougar?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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