What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
