i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
