I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
