She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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