yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
