Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
