He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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