I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
