I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My cat gives me a boner
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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