TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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