he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
where are my eyebrows?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
