For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
