Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
