I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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