Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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