did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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