Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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