If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
