i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
