is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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