I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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