the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize