Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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