You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
