i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
