I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
